Q&A WITH FEELING MAGNETS
I have found that my thoughts are getting in the way of finding my true feelings. I have always been a person that values logic and overanalyzing situations over using my feelings. Right now I am trying to decide between two jobs which one I really want and I've been making a pro-cons list (as usual) to decide because my feelings aren't strong enough to help me make a decision. Any thoughts?
Thanks for reaching out, we know this challenge all too well. The thing is that we have spent our whole lives developing and listening to our thoughts. We haven't done the same thing with our feelings and so it makes sense that the thoughts are often dominant in our minds and that its challenging to hear and notice our feelings. Hence why we need to practice and develop the skill of noticing what we feel constantly until it becomes natural.
Logic and analysis are important skills to have and by the sounds of it, just like many of us, you mastered this one first. That's great and it doesn't have to be a problem. It's just something to notice and be aware of so that you can place more emphasis on the part that still needs developing: noticing what you really feel. Here are some tips that can help you bring your feelings into the equation:
1. Trust the first thing that comes. When you ask yourself how you are feeling right now or in relation to something specific, jot down the first thing that comes to mind without thinking. Don't give yourself more than a second or two and just write it down. When you can take your Feeling Magnets and with a curious and open mind, just scan through the words and pick out the ones that feel right to you at that moment or in relation to what you are thinking of. Really consider every word thinking to yourself "Am I feeling sad? Am I feeling serene?"...for each word. Once you have picked out all the ones that feel right, review them and really check to see that you feel each of them somewhere in your body and that it's not your logic or rational mind that is telling you that you should feel that way.
2. Get to know your feelings. In this specific case of your decision between two jobs, do the exercise above while thinking of one of the jobs and then write down the feelings that come. Then do the same with the other job. Also imagine yourself accepting one of the jobs and how you would feel then. Do the same with the other job. You might want to do this a couple of times in a day or over a few days if you can, just to see if the feelings change or what patterns you might find.
3. Get clear on how you want to feel. Using your 'I want to feel...' magnet, go through the emotions in the Feeling Magnets box and pick out how you want to feel in the job that you choose. Then check the list of feelings from exercise 2 and see if either of the jobs comes closer to this.
4. Cross check your logic. You can also look back on your pros and cons list and check-in to see how you feel about it. Do the pros and cons for each of the jobs feel right? Do you feel satisfied and clear when you look at the list? Do you feel that something is missing in the picture? If looking at the pros and cons list doesn't bring a feeling of clarity then something is probably missing. What I mean by this is that sometimes we make a list and it just seems to confirm our gut instinct or feelings and so we can just go ahead and make a decision. Sometimes though, looking at the pros and cons doesn't give us that clarity and that might be because the list doesn't conclude the same thing as our feelings...
I know that these kinds of decisions can seem difficult because we think that one answer is right and the other is wrong. Often that isn't the case. The real question is also not which job is the right one or better one. The real question is, which job is the better one for YOU. That is where the feelings become so important, because they go beyond logic or pros and cons. Feelings help us to make sure that the choices we make are right or in alignment with us.
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