HOW DO I DEAL WITH MY FEELINGS?
For many of us, emotions just seem to be a nuisance. Up until not that long ago, that was the case for me too. It was relatively recently that I learned that every emotion is there for a good reason and that they are trying to help us. Actually, this realization made emotions much easier to deal with. What I came to realize was that our emotions are like friends. They are looking out for us and want to draw our attention to something important and help us deal with it. But if we don’t understand why the friend is there and we aren’t listening to them then we miss their message completely. The good thing is that it’s never too late to become friends with our feelings…
Know what you feel
You know those good friends that just get you and you just get them? You can finish each others sentences and also just sit in silence feeling totally comfortable because you just know exactly what the other is thinking or feeling. That’s the kind of friendship we want to have with our emotions. We want to feel totally at ease with them (yes, all of them) and we want to have a deep understanding and connection to them.
How do we get to this stage? Time. These types of friendships take time to build. It’s about spending time together and getting to know each other. Taking the time to listen to your feelings, getting to know them and eventually you will know exactly what you are feeling and why. (Read The Secret Techniques to Figure Out What You Feel)
Accept your feeling
A good friend cares about you and when there is something important to tell you, they will go out of their way to make sure you get the message. They will come knocking on your door, they will call out to you and they will keep knocking and calling, until you open. If you still don’t open, they will eventually break down the door to make sure you get the message.
It’s the same with your feelings. The reason they don’t just go away when we ignore or try to get rid of them is because they have something important they want us to know. If we accept them and hear them out, then they have done their duty and can move on. So when a feeling comes up, it’s time to investigate what exactly you are feeling and why you feel the way you feel. What is going on in your life that has triggered this feeling? What thoughts are going through your head? There is always a reason…
We feel sad when we have lost something or are about to lose something. We feel anxious or afraid when we perceive a threat or think we can’t cope with something…
Choose how you respond
Friends often have a lot of advice to give us. They share their suggestions and ideas with us and we listen and consider what they have to say. Sometimes the advice from your friend might be good and you think it’s the right thing to do in that moment. Sometimes you might do exactly the opposite. Ultimately, we have the power to make the decision on how we act in each situation.
With emotions it’s quite the same. They give us suggestions how to act (the urge to act – like the hitting or yelling when we are angry or the running away or paralysis when we are afraid), but we are the only ones who can decide what is really the best way to respond in each situation. We want to hear out our feelings but not let them dictate how we should act. We are the only ones who fully understand the context of each situation and our ultimate goals.
Now, what is your choice? How do you want to deal with your feelings? Will you let them become your friend?
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