DIGGING DEEPER TO FIND WHAT IS GOING ON FOR ME
My colleague and I are normally in touch pretty much all the time. We know what is going on in each others lives, we keep each other posted on what we are working on. In general there is a Feeling of connection between us - sometimes a bit more and sometimes a little less - but it’s there. A few weeks ago, I experienced a week of extreme discomfort.
The week went by and somehow I found myself feeling Worried, Anxious and seeking connection with her. We weren’t speaking much, which wasn’t a big deal in and of itself but somehow I felt that something was off. So instead of making assumptions, I decided to reach out to her and ask her how she was doing and what was up. She told me she was fine and all was well.
I still felt Anxious and Worried and that something wasn’t quite right. I found myself thinking that she might be Angry with me, that I might have said something wrong or that something wasn’t alright between us. So I asked her again in multiple different ways, wanting to be sure before I shifted the Feeling within me. Text messages weren’t getting me the clarity I wanted, so I called her.
As we spoke, I learned that she had had a very busy week and that she also had some things happening in her personal life that were keeping her pre-occupied. I shared with her that I thought she might be Annoyed with me and she reassured me that was not the case but that she was just elsewhere with her thoughts.
After that call I took out my Feeling Magnets and realized, for the first time, that beyond Feeling Anxious, Worried, Scared and Frantic, I was Feeling Guilty. As I picked up Guilty I realized that I had created this whole story in my head that she might be Angry with me because I was Feeling Guilty that I hadn’t done what I promised to do. We feel Guilt when we think we have done something wrong and it encourages us to make amends or correct the situation.
We had agreed on our next steps and had deadlines for them. As the days went by and I didn’t manage to complete all I had intended to (and had promised to do), I was feeling increasingly Guilty, but instead of recognising and owning this Feeling as my own, I started to speculate and make up Feelings that she might have.
That was a great lesson for me about being honest with myself and a reminder that my Feelings are mine and nobody is making me feel in any way. As I took back the ownership of my Feeling Guilty I realized that the Feeling was helping me to get back on track with my work and it gave me a big motivational push to sit down and plow through my to do list.
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